Sentence
Combining
and Revising
Variety, Interest, and Emphasis
SENTENCE COMBINING
Good writers avoid the choppy style caused by using too many short, subject-first sentences. Study how the following paragraph, written in a choppy style, has been revised to achieve a more fluent, more mature style. The revised version uses subordination, coordination, apposition, and other devices to indicate clearly the relationship between ideas.
The sinking of the 42,000-metric-ton Titanic, the largest and most luxurious ship of its time, was one of the worst mari- time disasters in history. On the clear, cold night of April 14, 1912, the ship, on its maiden voyage, struck an iceberg off the Grand Banks of Newfoundland. Although the captain had re- ceived iceberg warnings, he had chosen to pass through a perilous ice field at 42 kilometers per hour in order to reach New York ahead of schedule. The iceberg punctured five of sixteen watertight compartments in the ship's hull, one more than the ship's designers had thought possible in any accident, and the ship sank in less than three hours, with the loss of over 1500 of the 2220 passengers and crew. Another ship, the Californian, lay stopped in the water less than eighteen kilometers away, but it did not respond to the distress signal because its radio operator was off duty. The Carpathia, which was ninety kilometers away, reversed course, sped through the ice floes, and picked up the survivors, but by then many lives had been lost. The Titanic disaster quickly led to the reform of maritime safety laws.
Sentence-combining exercises provide useful practice in improving your writing style. As you combine short, choppy sentences in the exercises that follow, you will be making choices with regard to sentence structure and emphasis. This experience will enable you to achieve a more fluent style, richer in variety and interest.
18a. Combine short, related sentences by inserting adjectives, adverbs, and prepositional phrases.
Note how the following three sentences have been rewritten as one sentence by eliminating unnecessary words.
THREE SENTENCES: The Prime Minister closed the session. The Prime Minister felt weary.
He closed the session with the Cabinet.
ONE SENTENCE: The weary Prime Minister closed the session with the Cabinet.
There may be more than one correct way to combine short sentences.
THFTEE SENTENCES The plane moved slowly.
The plane moved toward the hangar.
ONE SENTENCE Slowly, the plane moved along the runway toward the hangar.
or
Along the runway, the plane moved slowly toward the hangar.
There are other correct ways in which these sentences could have been combined. Although you often have some degree of choice in combining short, related sentences, you may find that some combinations do not read smoothly, such as, Along the runway toward the hangar slowly the plane moved. You should avoid these combinations as well as those that change the meaning of the original short sentences.
EXERCISE 1. Combine each group of short, related sentences by inserting adjectives, adverbs, or prepositional phrases into the first sentence and by eliminating unneces- sary words. Add commas where they are necessary.
EXAMPLE 1. Peregrine falcons soar. They soar gracefully. They soar in the air.
1. Peregrine falcons soar gracefully in the air.
1 .The peregrine falcon adapts to varying climates. It adapts quickly. It adapts easily.
2. The falcon dives on its victims and kills them. The falcon is bluish-gray.
It kills its victims by the force of the impact.
3. Peregrine falcons inhabit areas where birds are often plentiful. The areas are open. The areas are rocky. The areas are near water.
4. Peregrines nest on the sides of cliffs. They usually nest there. They nest high on the cliffs. They nest in small ledges.
5. Peregrine falcons became scarce. They became extremely scarce. They became scarce in the United States. They became scarce because of the pesticide DDT.
6. No breeding pairs remained. No pairs remained east of the Mississippi. No pairs remained by 1970. No pairs of falcons remained.
7. Scientists are reintroducing falcons. The scientists are from Cornell University. The falcons are wild. The scientists reintroduce falcons under controlled conditions. The scientists reintroduce falcons to the eastern United States.
8. The ban on DDT has helped the falcons. The ban was effective. The ban has helped considerably. The falcons have been endangered.
9. Peregrines are hatching eggs. These peregrines are in the Eastern wilderness. They are hatching eggs for the first time. It is the first time since the 1950's
10. Peregrine falcons prefer nesting in cities. They prefer nesting in large cities. Some peregrines prefer this. They prefer nesting on high skyscrapers.
They prefer the cities because of a supply of pigeons. The supply of pigeons is abundant.
18b. Combine closely related sentences by using participial phrases.
Participial phrases-phrases containing a participle and any complements or modifiers it may have-help you add concrete details to nouns and pronouns in sentences. In the following example, the participial phrases are printed in bold-faced type. Notice how they describe the subject of the sentence, the noun ship.
Badly damaged by high winds and deserted by half its crew, the ship finally reached a safe harbor.
Participial phrases are often a useful way to combine sentences and to express ideas concisely. The following two sentences can be combined by using a participial phrase.
The colors were painted on the ceiling.
ONE SENTENCE The colors painted on the ceiling were orange, red, and blue.
The second sentence has been turned into a participial phrase, painted on the ceiling, and attached to the first sentence. Unnecessary words have been deleted.
A participle or participial phrase must always be placed close to the noun or pronoun it modifies. Otherwise the sentence may confuse the reader.
MISPLACED Wrapped in silver paper, the bride accepted the wedding present.
IMPROVED The bride accepted the wedding present wrapped in silver paper.
EXERCISE 2. Combine each of the following pairs of sentences into one sentence by turning either the first sentence or second sentence of each pair into a participial phrase and inserting it into the remaining sentence. Punctuate the combined sentences correctly.
EXAMPLE 1. The employee asked for a raise.
Asking for a raise, the employee found out about the
boss's temper.
1. Tomb robbers searched inside a crypt. Tomb robbers found gold.
2. The pitcher concentrated on the batter. The pitcher forgot about the base runner.
3. The index in this book is very long. It contains every topic found on every page.
4. The student did not hand in her paper. The student realized that two pages were missing,
5. We held back our cheers. We waited for the speech to end.
6. The van failed to stop at the red light. It narrowly missed another car.
7. 1 left the bread in the oven too long. I burned the crust.
8. Our counselor was stung by a bee. Our counselor yelled angrily.
9. The teacher was pleased with the test results. The teacher congratulated the class.
10. The hurricane swept across the ocean. The hurricane demolished every boat in its path.
18c. Combine short, related sentences by using appositives or appositive phrases.
Appositives and appositive phrases add definitive detail to nouns and pronouns in sentences by helping to identify or explain them. Note how the appositive phrase in the following sentence helps identify the noun captain.
a full athletic scholarship.
Two sentences can often be combined through the use of an appositive or an appositive phrase.
TWO SENTENCES Many students in the school play lacrosse. Lacrosse is the national summer sport of Canada.
ONE SENTENCE Many students in the school play lacrosse, the national summer sport of Canada.
EXERCISE 3. Combine the following pairs of sentences by turning one of the sentences into an appositive or an appositive phrase. Punctuate the combined sentence correctly. Answers may vary.
EXAMPLE 1. Elizabeth Bowen was born in Ireland. She is one of the leading fiction writers in England since World War 1.
Elizabeth Bowen, one of the leading fiction writers in England since World War 1, was born in Ireland.
1. In The Death of the Heart the protagonist is a sensitive person, ill at ease with the world.
The Death of the Heart is one of Bowen's best-known novels.
2. Bowen was a nurse and an air-raid warden during World War 11. Bowen wrote about the psychological effects of war on civilians.
3. Nadine Gordimer is a South African writer. She published her first stories at the age of fifteen.
4. Many of Gordimer's stories are set in South Africa. Many of Gordimer's stories are accounts of modern-day social tensions.
5. In Going Home Doris Lessing writes about a return visit to Rhodesia. Going Home is an autobiographical narrative.
6. Doris Lessing is a sensitive observer of social and political struggles. She describes people attempting to find meaning in life.
7. Katherine Mansfield is a modern master of the short story. She died of tuberculosis at the age of thirty-four.
8. Revealing the influence of Anton Chekhov, her stories focus more on character, atmosphere, and language than on plot. Chekhov was a great Russian writer.
9. A Room of One's Own is a book of essays by Virginia Woolf. A Room of One's Own is a short defense of women's rights.
10. Virginia Woolf was a member of the Bloomsbury Ciroup. This group was a circle of British intellectuals.
18d. Combine short, related sentences by using compound subjects or verbs or by writing a compound sentence.
Compound subjects and verbs and compound sentences are common in writing. Writers, however, often overuse compound constructions by loosely stringing together ideas that belong in separate sentences. You should not only learn the appropriate function of various connectives but should also avoid the overuse of and or so in your writing.
Compound subjects and verbs are joined by conjunctions such as and, but, and or and by correlative conjunctions such as either-or, neither-nor, and both-and.
EXAMPLES Either Mr. Sanderson or one of his students will bring the slide projector.
We watched the game this afternoon and cheered our team to victory.
Independent clauses are joined into a compound sentence by conjunctions such as and, but, for, and or and by other connectives such as furthermore, yet, however, therefore, either-or, and neither-nor. The relationship of the independent clauses determines which connective works best.
EXAMPLES Two cats were stranded in the tree, and no one could rescue them. The police officer questioned him; however, he refused to answer. [Note the use of the semicolon.]
Ideas in separate sentences can be combined by using the appropriate connecting words. See page 207 for a complete list of connecting words.
TWO SENTENCES Rain had soaked the playing field. Practice was canceled.
ONE SENTENCE Rain had soaked the playing field; therefore, practice was canceled.
EXERCISE 4. Most of the following items consist of two closely related ideas. Combine these ideas into a single sentence, using the appropriate connectives. Certain items contain unrelated ideas. In such instances, write Unrelated on your paper to show that the ideas are better expressed in two separate sentences.
EXAMPLE 1. The Congress will approve this bill. The President will veto it.
The Congress will approve this bill, but the President will veto it.
1. The basketball team has played well all season. It will probably win the championship.
2. Frank worked hard on his homework. His friend had given him the wrong assignment.
3. America must learn to use less energy. There will be a more severe energy shortage in a few years.
4. Acid rain is a problem in the Northeast. This problem is due to air pollution.
5. The student account is empty. We shall have to raise some money,
6. The prospects are bleak for new gym equipment. The student council will continue to recommend this important purchase.
7. The atmosphere on Mars is very thin. The planet is smaller than Earth.
8. School spirit sometimes wanes during the winter months. The seniors have organized a carnival in December.
9. The class elections are in three weeks. Everyone voted last year.
10. Sue is a well-qualified candidate. Most of her class support her.
18e. Combine short, related sentences into a complex sentence by putting one idea into a subordinate clause.
Subordination allows you to express the relationship between two unequal ideas within a single sentence. Methods for subordinating ideas include the use of an adjective clause, an adverb clause, and a noun clause. Mastering these methods of subordination will improve the variety and clarity of your writing.
(1) Use an adjective clause to combine sentences.
Adjective clauses, like adjectives, modify nouns or pronouns. In the following sentence, the adjective clause is printed in bold-faced type.
To combine sentences by using an adjective clause, you must first decide which idea to emphasize. Then you must choose the correct relative pronoun to join the sentences.
RELATIVE PRONOUNS who, whom, whose, which, that
The adjective clause must always be placed close to the word or words it modifies.
TWO SENTENCES The story has an intricate plot. I found the plot hard to follow.
ONE SENTENCE The story has an intricate plot that I found hard to follow.
TWO SENTENCES The woman heads the delegation. I met her yesterday.
ONE SENTENCE The woman whom I met yesterday heads the delegation.
EXERCISE 5. Combine the following pairs of sentences by subordinating one idea in an adjective clause. Punctuate your sentences correctly.
EXAMPLE 1. Martin Luther King, Jr., married Coretta Scott. He met her while studying at Boston University.
Martin Luther King, Jr., married Coretta Scott, whom he met while studying at Boston University.
7. Mr. Partridge coaches our basketball team. I introduced him to you.
8. Antique chairs lined the corridor. Each of them had a price tag on the arm.
9. I forgot the notebook. It was lying on the sofa.
10. The elephant sprayed water on passersby. The elephant was standing near the fence.
(2) Use an adverb clause to combine sentences.
Adverb clauses can express a relationship of time, cause, purpose, or condition between two ideas within a single sentence.
EXAMPLE Although you present a convincing argument, I Will not change my mind.
To combine sentences by using an adverb clause, you must first decide which idea should become subordinate. You must then decide which subordinating conjunction best ex- presses the relationship between the two ideas.
TWO SENTENCES Elsie received the reply in the mail. She tore open the envelope impatiently.
ONE SENTENCE When Elsie received the reply in the mail, she tore open the envelope impatiently.
TWO SENTENCES Injuries would decrease. People would be more careful.
ONE SENTENCE If people would be more careful, injuries would decrease.
EXERCISE 6. Combine each pair of sentences by subordinating one idea in an adverb clause. Punctuate the combined sentences correctly.
EXAMPLE 1. Sally did her best. She was unable to win the prize.
Although Sally did her best, she was unable to win the prize.
1. It is true that you learn to do by doing. It is obvious that you learn to write by writing.
2. You should not make up your mind. You have studied all the evidence.
3. Money is undoubtedly important. It has never made anyone happy.
4. All students should learn standard English. They will never be embarrassed by their usage.
5. This critic recommends a new book. The book becomes a best seller.
6. She will invest her money with you. You can prove that the investment is safe.
7. We raised our prices. Our business increased.
8. She wanted to graduate in January. She could join the Navy.
9. You train rigorously. You will be able to do well in cross-country.
10. She was ill. She insisted on going ahead with the show.
11. The committee members could not agree. The whole matter was referred to the president.
12. The president took the responsibility. She wanted to settle the matter herself.
13. She decided to bring the issue before the entire club. Everyone could express an opinion.
14. There was a great deal of talk. Nothing was decided.
15. A decision is reached today. The donors will not give us the money.
16. The City Council offered to give us money for a clubhouse. We would let the public use it.
17. We had never admitted the public to our meetings. We didn't want to admit them to our clubhouse.
18. We would not lose the chance for a new clubhouse. Some of us favored admitting the public.
19. I agreed with those in favor of admitting the public. I sympathized with the others. 20. No agreement was reached. The money went to another club.
(3) Use a noun clause to combine sentences.
A noun clause is a subordinate clause used as a noun. Read the following examples of noun clauses and note where they appear in the sentences.
Whoever buys that car will be sorry. [noun clause as subject]
Yesterday we learned what Napoleon had accomplished. [noun clause as direct object]
We can spend the money for whatever we like. [noun clause as object of preposition]
A noun clause can also be used as a predicate nominative and as an indirect object. Noun clauses are usually introduced by that, what, whatever, why, whether, how, who, whom, whoever, or whomever.
Noun clauses are sometimes used without the introductory word that.
EXAMPLE My sister said the trip would take three days.
EXERCISE 7. Combine each of the following pairs of sentences by turning the italicized sentence in each pair into a noun clause. Use one of the introductory words listed above.
EXAMPLE 1. They thought that they did not need help. This was a very foolish idea.
That they did not need help was a very foolish idea.
18f. Experiment with the length and structure of your sentences to achieve greater interest and variety.
Sentences in English—both spoken and written—begin with the subject. Any piece of writing in which most of the sentences needlessly depart from this normal order will strike a reader as artificial. However, an unbroken sequence of subject-predicate sentences may result in another stylistic fault-monotony. Such a sequence of sentences is monotonous because it lacks the logical connections and special emphasis that variations in sentence structure can provide. For example, the following sentences are perfectly clear:
The two friends quarreled violently over a matter of slight importance.
They never spoke from that time on.
But a closer connection can be made between these two sentences by moving the adverb phrase, which refers to the quarrel, up to the beginning of the second sentence:
The two friends quarreled violently over a matter of slight importance.
From that time on they never spoke.
Similarly, an important idea expressed by a modifier can be emphasized:
Sue was not impressive in the classroom.
On the tennis court, however, she came into her own.
The contrast is less striking when the second sentence begins with its subject:
Sue was not impressive in the classroom.
She came into her own, however, on the tennis court.
The normal order of sentences should not be shunned merely for the sake of variety. However, it is a good idea to remember that beginning a sentence with an important modifier may sometimes increase the force and clarity of your thought as well as provide a pleasing variation.
The exercises that follow are intended to give you practice in using different kinds of sentence openers. Used sparingly, these devices will improve your writing.
AVOIDING MONOTONY
(1) Begin some of your sentences with a transposed appositive or with one of these modifiers: single-word modifier; phrase modifier; clause modifier.
Appositives
The human brain, an enormously complex mechanism, contains about ten billion nerve cells. [subject first]
An enormously complex mechanism, the human brain contains about ten billion nerve cells. [transposed appositive first)
Single-word Modifiers
The book is long and badly written, and it failed to hold my interest. [subject first]
Long and badly written, the book failed to hold my interest. [single-word modifiers first]
A number of changes have been made here recently. [subject first]
Recently, a number of changes have been made here. [single-word modifier first]
The house was deserted and dilapidated and made a depressing picture. [subject first]
Deserted and dilapidated, the house made a depressing picture. [single-word modifiers first]
Phrase Modifiers
She was almost unbeatable on the tennis court. [subject first]
On the tennis court, she was almost unbeatable. (prepositional phrase first]
Joe tired rapidly during the second set and decided to save his strength for the third set. [subject first]
Tiring rapidly during the second set, Joe decided to save his strength for the third set. [participial phrase first]
Wendy Hsi worked late every night to win the essay prize. [subject first]
To win the essay prize, Wendy Hsi worked late every night. [infinitive phrase first]
Clause Modifiers
Investigators of the cause of the crash had to depend on evidence found in the wreckage because there were no survivors or witnesses. [subject first]
Because there were no survivors or witnesses, investigators of the cause of the crash had to depend on evidence found in the wreckage. [clause first]
Our leading lady, when she heard the orchestra playing the overture, suffered a severe attack of stage fright. [subject first]
When she heard the orchestra playing the overture, our leading lady suffered a severe attack of stage fright. [clause first]
EXERCISE 9.
This exercise will give you practice in be- ginning sentences in a variety of ways. Revise each sentence according to the instructions.
1. The Marine Historical Society has recreated a nineteenth-century coastal village at Mystic, Connecticut. [Begin with a prepositional phrase.]
2. Traveling, eating, and shopping with credit cards seems wonderfully easy until you receive your bill at the end of the month. [Begin with a subordinate clause.]
3. Some people are selfish and materialistic and are never happy with what they have. [Begin with single-word adjective modifiers. ]
4. Joe worked part-time at a gas station during his senior year in high school and managed to save a thousand dollars toward his college expenses. [Begin with a participial phrase: Working. . . .]
5. The most glamorous of all the new professions created by the space age is that of the astronaut. [Begin with a prepositional phrase.]
6. Beemer, one of the oldest players in professional football, makes up in experience what he lacks in speed. [Begin with a transposed appositive.]
7. The college president stated at the alumni luncheon the immediate financial needs of the college. [Begin with a prepositional phrase.]
8. A university's primary responsibility is to its resident students, although it should encourage educational programs for its alumni. [Begin with a subordinate clause.]
9. This seems to be a highly technical book, to the casual reader. [Begin with a prepositional phrase.]
10. The first ships of the expedition will sail in October, if present plans are approved. [Begin with a subordinate clause.]
11. Navy divers expertly and rapidly repaired the damaged hull. [Begin with single-word adverb modifiers.]
12. The firm lacked funds for expansion and so attempted to borrow money. [Begin with a participial phrase: Lacking. . . . ]
13. The skin on the average adult weighs 8.8 pounds and occupies an area of 20 square feet. [Begin with a participial phrase.]
14. The expedition was led by Colonel Walter H. Wood of New York and spent several weeks at its camp on Seward Glacier. [Begin with a participial phrase.]
15. One can see at first glance that modem office furniture uses more metal than wood. [Begin with a prepositional phrase.]
EXERCISE 9.
Rearrange each sentence so that it will be- gin with a single-word, phrase, or clause modifier or an appositive.
1. A bowling team was formed this winter for the first time in the history of the school.
2. A sinister figure stepped cautiously into the dark room.
3. Candidates for a driver's license must take a written examination to prove their knowledge of traffic regulations.
4. The children, when both parents are working, are cared for in nursery schools.
5. The audience, tired and hot, soon became impatient.
6. We were frightened by the explosion and dared not move from our places.
7. More than half of the 90,000 acres under cultivation had been ruined by the recent drought.
8. Jim, a merchant sailor for ten years, knew every important port in the world.
9. The new houses, although they look exactly alike from the outside, have very different interiors.
10. Competition has been growing more and more intense in the transportation industry.
11. A small boy, sobbing bitterly, ran toward me.
12. Music is to me an excellent tranquilizer when it is soft and rhythmic.
13. A person, when striving for the highest spiritual goals, will frequently become discouraged.
14. More and more people are rushing to local gymnasiums and health clubs either to reduce their weight or to improve their physical fitness.
15. Nothing is more satisfying than producing your own music, even if you cannot play an instrument well and are not musically inclined.
(2) By means of subordination, vary the structure of your sentences. Avoid the exclusive use of simple and compound sentences. Skillful use of the complex sentence is an indication of maturity in style.
AVOIDING "STRINGY" STYLE
18g. Give variety to your writing by avoiding the "stringy" style which results from the overuse of and and so.
In everyday conversation we tend to string our ideas out, one after another, by means of the simple conjunctions and and so. In writing, however, this sort of thing appears childish and monotonous. As you can see from the following examples, "stringiness" is an obvious fault which can be easily corrected. There are three ways to correct it.
(1) Correct a stringy sentence by subordination of ideas.
STRINGY SENTENCE: College admission standards continue to rise, and tension and anxiety build to a ridiculous point in college preparatory seniors, and this spoils their final year in high school.
IMPROVED: As college admission standards continue to rise, tension and anxiety build to a ridiculous point in college preparatory seniors, spoiling their final year in high school. [One and has been removed by means of the beginning subordinate clause. The other has been removed by means of the participial phrase, spoiling their final year in high school.]
The use of so as a conjunction is considered poor form. Its use can be avoided almost always by using a subordinate clause or a phrase expressing cause or reason.
POOR USE OF SO: Maria Martinez believed in tradition, so she experimented with ancient Pueblo pottery techniques.
IMPROVED: Believing in tradition, Maria Martinez experimented with ancient Pueblo pottery techniques.
or
Because she believed in tradition, Maria Martinez experimented with ancient Pueblo pottery techniques.
STRINGY USE OF SO We heard the static on the radio, so we were afraid of a thunderstorm, so we decided not to go out in the boat.
IMPROVED Fearing a thunderstorm when we heard the static on the radio, we decided not to go out in the boat.
(2) Correct a stringy sentence by dividing it into two sentences.
STRINGY SENTENCE: I am very fond of foreign films, and so I go to the Celtic Theater more than to the other theaters, and we get only the best foreign films in this country, so I not only learn a lot, but I see better pictures.
IMPROVED: Being very fond of foreign films, I go to the Celtic Theater more than to the other theaters. Since we get only the best foreign films in this country, I not only learn a lot, but I see better pictures. [stringiness corrected by subordination and by division into two sentences]
EXERCISE 10.
Revise the sentences by one or more of the following methods: subordination, division into more than one sentence, and reduction. Get rid of the monotonous use of and and so. You may add a few words of your own if the words will help you to improve the sentences.
1. Tom Sawyer made Becky Thatcher jealous by talking to Amy Lawrence, and then Becky became very upset, so she invited everyone except Tom and Amy to her picnic, and then spent recess with Alfred, and she pretended not to notice Tom.
2. Tom and Becky continued to be angry with each other for a while, and then eventually they made up, and Tom looked forward to going to Becky's picnic.
3. Mrs. Thatcher set the day for the picnic and Tom and Becky visited the cave called "McDougal's Cave" with the rest of the company, and played hide-and-seek after exploring the more familiar wonders of the cave.
4. They followed a little stream of water and Tom played the role of a discoverer and Becky thought that was fun and followed him.
5. They wound down through the cave this way and that and crept from cavern to cavern and found a spring-fed pool.
6. In one cavern the ceiling was completely lined with bats, and the bats swarmed down when Tom and Becky entered the cavern with their candles and one of them almost snuffed Becky's candle out with its wings.
7. Soon the stillness of the caves dampened Tom and Becky's spirits, and they realized that they had gone some distance from the others, and suddenly they were afraid that they might be unable to get back.
8. They started back, and indeed they had become lost, and there was no way Tom could remember which route they had followed, and they had only one piece of cake and a few candle-stumps.
9 After several false starts through the various tunnels their candles gave out and they were left in total darkness and Becky wept and they both thought they were certain to die in the pitch-black cave.
10. Leaving Becky alone, Tom took a length of rope and traced his way through the tunnels looking for an exit and soon saw a candle, so he shouted at the top of his voice and the next thing he knew a familiar face was there in front of him.