Chapter 16

Unnecessary Shifts in Sentences

Awkward Changes in Subject and in Verb Forms

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Within a sentence a shift is a change from one subject to another or from one verb to another. Often shifts are acceptable because they are necessary to express the meaning the writer intends.

  • ACCEPTABLE SHIFT: The trials of peace are great, but the dangers of war are greater. [The shift in subject from trials to dangers is a natural one.]

    • The smoothness of a sentence is sometimes seriously affected, however, by an unnecessary and awkward shift.

  • AWKWARD: A student should choose books from the reading list so that you can be sure of their being acceptable to the teacher. [The unnecessary shift from student to you is awkward and confusing.]

    ACCEPTABLE: A student should choose books from the reading list so that he can be sure of their being acceptable to the teacher.

    AWKWARD: Pam did her math homework, and then her com- position was written. [The shift from active to passive voice and the resulting shift in subject is unnecessary and awkward.]

    • ACCEPTABLE: Pam did her math homework, and then she wrote her composition.

    16a. Avoid unnecessary shifts from one subject to another.

    UNNECESSARY SHIFTS

    Fishers from many states visit the Ontario lakes where fish are found in abundance and, in the cool, crisp air of the North woods, a welcome relief from summer heat is enjoyed. Planes, trains, or automobiles bring the fishers to the edge of the wilderness. From there boats are used to penetrate the remoter waters where trout, bass, pickerel, perch, and freshwater salmon are caught.

    SHIFTS AVOIDED

    Fishers from many states visit the Ontario lakes where they find fish in abundance and, in the cool, crisp air of the North woods, enjoy a welcome relief from summer heat. After coming by plane, train, or automobile to the edge of the wilderness, the fishers use boats to penetrate the remoter waters, where they catch trout, bass, pickerel, perch, and freshwater salmon.

    16b. Avoid unnecessary shifts from one verb form to another within one sentence.

    (1) Avoid unnecessary shifts in the voice of verbs.

    Unnecessary shifts from one subject to another are often the result of a shift from active to passive Voice.

    When the subject of a verb is acting, the verb is in the active voice. When the subject of a verb is acted upon, the verb is in the passive voice.

  • S -----> V

    • ACTIVE VOICE: Matthew won both events. [subject acting]

    PASSIVE VOICE: Both events were won by Matthew. [subject acted upon]

    Note that a shift in voice results in a shift in subject.

  • UNNECESSARY SHIFT: Volunteers made [active verb] the dangerous journey after dark, but no wolves were encountered [passive verb].

    SHIFT AVOIDED: Volunteers made [active verb] the dangerous journey after dark but encountered [active verb] no wolves.

    UNNECESSARY SHIFT: Since she knew the ability to speak well before a group is important, a course in public speaking was taken by her.

    SHIFT AVOIDED: Since she knew the ability to speak well before a group is important, she took a course in public speaking.

    • (2) Avoid unnecessary shifts in the tense of verbs.

    Changing without reason from one tense to another within a sentence creates an awkward and confusing effect. Stick to the tense you start with unless there is an excellent reason for changing.

  • UNNECESSARY SHIFT: At this point the President reads [present tense] a prepared statement but refused [past tense] to answer any questions.

    SHIFT AVOIDED: At this point the President read [past tense] a prepared statement but refused [past tense) to answer any questions.

    SHIFT AVOIDED: At this point the President reads [present tense] a prepared statement but refuses [present tense] to answer any questions.

    UNNECESSARY SHIFT: She caught [past tense] the puck and weaves [present tense] between two defenders.

    SHIFT AVOIDED: She caught [past tense] the puck and wove [past tense] between two defenders.

    SHIFT AVOIDED: She catches [present tense] the puck and weaves [present tense] between two defenders.

    • In correcting unnecessary shifts in subject and verb, you will often find the best method is to omit the second subject. This can usually be done by using the second verb in the same voice as the first and making the verb compound.

  • UNNECESSARY SHIFT: A good driver has complete control of the car at all times, and allowance is made for the carelessness of other drivers.

    SHIFT AVOIDED: A good driver has complete control of the car at all times and makes allowances for the carelessness of other drivers. [The use of the compound active voice

    for both verbs corrects the awkward shift.]

    • EXERCISE I. Most of the following sentences contain unnecessary shifts from one subject to another or from one verb form to another. By revising these sentences orally in class, show how these shifts may be avoided. Two of the sentences are acceptable. Identify these.

    1. If one wants to try a delicious recipe from Puerto Rico, you should make rice with pigeon peas.

    2. To start, saute three tablespoons of diced salt pork until the fat has melted.

    3. A chopped onion and two minced cloves of garlic should be added to the skillet, and then add two chopped green peppers.

    4. After you have peeled two tomatoes, chopping them comes next.

    5. The tomatoes, too, should be placed into the skillet, and you should cook the entire mixture for five minutes.

    6. A tablespoon of capers goes in next, and you should follow this with a teaspoon of salt, two cups of uncooked long-grain rice, and three cups of water.

    7. After you stir the rice, a pound of cooked pigeon peas needs to be added.

    8. A tablespoon of achiote should not be forgotten to be included, since this spice imparts a lovely golden color to the food.

    9. When the liquid comes to a boil, cover the skillet, the flame should be reduced, and simmer the mixture until the water has been absorbed.

    10. Stir the mixture occasionally to keep the rice from sticking, and continue cooking until the rice is dry and fluffy.

    EXERCISE 2. In the following passage the tense of the verbs is frequently shifted from past to present and from present to past. Decide in what tense (past or present) it should be written. Prepare to read aloud in class, changing the verb forms to remove the unnecessary shifts in tense.

    1. Ted Stolar, who had been for many years the faculty
    2. adviser of the Brunswick Yearbook, sat calmly at his desk
    3. after school, watching the autumn sun light the empty room,
    4. while he waited for the first meeting of the new yearbook
    5. staff. A veteran like Ted Stolar could hardly be expected
    6. to show much emotion over the repetition of an event he
    7. had taken part in so many times. He is not particularly
    8. disturbed when the door opens and Matthew Lorig led a noisy
    9. group of students into his room.
    10. Following a general falling over desks and slumping
    11. into seats, Matthew called the meeting to order. This year, he
    12. explains, the staff would produce the finest yearbook Brunswick
    13. School has ever had. Someone wanted to know, first of all,
    14. what kind of cover the book would have. A great preference
    15. is expressed for a thick and heavy leather cover, suitably
    16. embossed, and bearing the seal and colors of the school.
    17. Ted Stolar smiles, for he had never yet known a new
    18. staff that did not begin with a discussion of the cover.
    19. Complete agreement about the cover having been so
    20. quickly reached, Trevor Sutton wants to know why last
    21. year's book was so dull. Here Ted Stolar smiles again.
    22. Everything's going to be just fine, he thought, remembering
    23. that no staff in the past had ever had a good word to say for
    24. its predecessors. "Let's have twice as many pictures, a bigger
    25. sports section, not so much writing that nobody ever reads."
    26. These weighty matters agreed upon, everyone wanted to
    27. know whether the seniors aren't entitled to more space in
    28. the book. "How about one or two instead of four senior
    29. pictures to a page? After all, it's our book."
    30. Ted Stolar listened and said nothing. He is quietly
    31. thinking about next January, when the supply of snapshots
    32. will be disappointingly small, when the budget will be
    33. alarmingly inadequate, when compromise after compromise will
    34. be frantically made in order to get a yearbook out at all.
    35. But he doesn't say much. He knows it is better for the staff
    36. to find out for itself why last year's book and all the books
    37. before it had been such complete "failures."

    Exercise 3. The sentences in this exercise are awkward because of unnecessary shifts in the subject and in the verb. Revise the sentences to eliminate these shifts.

    1. Adolescents naturally rebel against authority, but the authority of the law must be respected by them.

    2. Lonely students might participate in an extracurricular activity so that new friendships can be made.

    3. A senior must not only pass his courses and graduate, but also plans for your future must be made before the year is over.

    4. My brother frequently procrastinates, and a tendency toward laziness is occasionally shown.

    5. My father has some amusing peculiarities that are not recognized by him.

    6. The union's demands were unacceptable even though some concessions were contained in them.

    7. If a teacher wants to be liked, you must treat students impartially.

    8. Coach Tillman always insisted on long practice sessions and strict training, but his winning teams justify his methods.

    9. The Vice-President flew to the Paris Conference, but few concrete results were accomplished by him.

    10. A good student can win a college scholarship, and thus his parents are relieved of part of the cost of his college education.

    11. When you buy a car, a person should be sure he can afford the upkeep.

    12. In the end Robert stays with his mother, and the girl he loves is lost to him forever.

    13. The cement and sand are first mixed thoroughly; then add the water.

    14. The experienced boat operator is aware of the danger of fire, and when filling the gas tank, great precautions are taken not to spill gasoline in the bottom of the boat.

    15. As a young district attorney he successfully handled the Tammany Hall cases, and the backing of the Republican Party was won.

    16. As the bus careens toward the edge of the road, we thought our time had come, and we grab our seats in desperation.

    17. Many doctors recognize the value of health insurance, but the particular kind we should have is something they could not agree on.

    18. Searching for the right words, Livia composed her closing sentence, and another essay was brought to its logical conclusion.

    19. Charlie had just finished his bitter denunciation of all teachers and of one chemistry teacher in particular, when he turns around and Mr. Philip was seen in the laboratory doorway.

    20. An explorer must study maps very carefully so that you will be able to plan your trip efficiently.